Defining It – First In a Series on Predatory Behavior

When I started this whole ‘Social Self Defense’ thing, I knew I had to define what was to be defended against before I could explore how one could defend one’s self, socially speaking. I went on for pages and pages talking about how to define boundaries, navigate awkward situations, and find empowerment all in an effort to combat what I so succinctly defined as:

The offense – people at munches, gatherings, parties, etc being verbally and physically put at deliberate unease by others. Examples: being propositioned, made to feel ‘less than’ or weaker in some way, being touched, groped, grabbed or worse.

Not a bad start actually, if a bit vague. At the time it didn’t seem as large an oversight as it is now because the focus was then on how one could defend against it (and still is, but not as much for our purposes here). However, now the movement has gained momentum in the form of munches, discussion groups, websites, articles written and proposed actions to be taken on several levels. This is a truly wonderful thing to watch evolve. But without clarification as to what it is all this stuff is actually geared toward not only will momentum get lost, but confusion will surely undermine the process, by design or subterfuge. To wax poetic, ‘The time has come, the community has said, to talk of bigger things. Of definitions and labels, of what answers those may bring.’ In short, a better definition of what predatory behaviour within the scene is.

Seems simple doesn’t it? Just say what it is you are talking about! But this is BDSM, nothing is ever simple, clear cut or delineated. There are always a number of variables to factor in anytime one is attempting to define a thing. Add in relationship dynamics, power dynamics, interpersonal dynamics, societal norms, subsets of society and their norms, and on and on.. and you begin to see why this is such a difficult undertaking.

After much soul searching, listening, talking, reading, researching and pondering I think I have finally been able to give us a better definition of the problem plaguing the scene that has led to all this activism:

Predatory Behaviour within the BDSM scene – A wide range of offending behaviours manifested by an individual or a group intended to disturb or upset a target in a knowing and/or continuous fashion. The behaviours manifested may be maliciously or negligently appropriated resulting in unwanted verbal or physical advances which may have adverse consequences to the target if compliance is not forthcoming. The defining characteristic which classifies behaviour as Predatory is that is done in a manner which breaks, disrespectfully breeches, irreverently transgresses, interferes with, forcefully disrupts, or otherwise violates personal boundaries without the explicit informed consent of the targeted party.

That’s a mouthful to be sure, but it does shed a bit more light on what it is we are discussing. In the interest of further illumination, I’d be remiss to not spend a bit of time on a related and very important concept: context. When defining a person’s behaviour as predatory the concept of context is vital. What is perfectly acceptable to person A will be totally out of the question with Person B. Even person A may find a certain behaviour within bounds from Person X but not at all acceptable from Person Z.

Jack may find it totally ok for Mary to give him a hug whilst grabbing his ass where as Susan would find this reprehensible. Sally may happily giggle like a schoolgirl when Bob tells her what great tits she has where as if Dan said the exact same thing to her she’d feel outraged.

It all has to do with the dynamic specific to the parties in question. Those dynamics are highly individualized and are fluid in nature which may derived from a person’s personal history or changing perspectives. It might be more easily defined if a thing was a thing no matter what the variables, but the fact is nothing is static when it comes to interpersonal interactions.

So within the construct of context, we now have a working definition of Predatory behaviour. You can’t change a thing if you can’t define it. And change doesn’t happen overnight, but hopefully it can begin with an encapsulation in three very wordy sentences.

~kim

Kink In Motion